Old Friends, New Friends
by NadinLuciferHawk
Summary: Just a small OneShot to explain why Nick Fury is as awesome as he is. And the introduction of a new member for the Avengers. Read and Enjoy!


**Author's Note:**

Just something else our brains puked up. Don't take it too seriously. I'm not going to make a sequel or any full-fledged story from this OneShot. Just read and enjoy.

I still don't own Avengers or Bayonetta.

* * *

Sometimes Steve swore God was an asshole. Even more so than Tony. There was no other possible explanation as to why he decided to throw curve-balls at them every now and then.

This time said curve-ball had been an attack from the most beloved Doctor van Doom. While they were able to stop him, they had all suffered from his attacks. Thor and Bruce were the ones best off; everyone else was sporting bandages and/or ice packs somewhere right now.

Fury glared at them from over crossed fingers at his end of the large conference table. Steve cringed, because his gaze was far from his normal 'Tony did a stupid thing' gaze.

"One hundred and thirty-eight people injured" Fury suddenly began, "twenty-three gravely. Damages worth three million Dollars" His eye narrowed dangerously and Steve felt the hair on the back of his neck stand, "Explain me _why_ my team of super-heroes did not manage to curb in _one measly little robot_ from Doom?!"

Silence hung over them like a smothering blanket. It was Tony who spoke then: "To be fair: Measly and Little embrace a rather broad dimension."

"You have Captain America, Iron Man, a _friggin' Norse God_ and the _motherfucking Hulk_!" Fury seethed, and he sounded like he wanted to chew their faces off this time, "And you still could not manage to destroy that over-sized tin can without less damage to Miami?!"  
Now Steve was definitely cringing backwards. Bruce and Clint did as well, Tony was too drunk to care and Thor and Natasha were not intimidated that easily.

However, before they could say something, Fury leaned back and returned to his normal angry tone. "This is why I took the liberty to bring a new member for your team in."

"A new member?" Bruce asked surprised.

"Did you finally manage to woo Wolverine?" Tony asked, "Oh Nick, you old Casanova."

"It's not Howlett" Fury snorted. "He said again I should Fuck Off. No, your newest team member is… an old acquaintance of mine."

At this the Avengers were attentive again. Too little did they know of their dark leader's past. Meeting one of his 'acquaintances' seemed as fantastic as having six rights in the lottery, getting struck by lightning and being eaten by a shark within an hour.

But it happened!

"She will be your seventh member" Nick said then, gesturing to Agent Hill to get the ominous seventh member. "Treat her nice, gentlemen, or she _will_ pummel all your asses until next year."

"She?" Clint asked then. "It's a woman?"

"Finally!" Natasha muttered under her breath.

"If she is an old shield-sister I shall hail her as a warrior deserves it!" Thor announced.

"Is she hot?" Tony asked. Steve and Bruce rolled their eyes.

"I do hope I am. Otherwise I would have missed my reason for existence" a new voice said from the door.

The Avengers' jaws dropped simultaneously to the table.

There stood a woman unlike they had ever seen. The first thing they noted were her legs. They were _ridiculously_ long. She wore what seemed to be black, skin-tight leather, which exposed her cleavage and back, and highlighted her behind nicely. Long hair hung like tassels from her arms. Golden ornaments were woven into them, and long red bands hung from her beehive haircut. Grey-blue eyes glanced in amusement over the collected Avengers behind rectangular glasses.

She was beautiful, in a somewhat… well… slutty kind of way, but she was still beautiful.

Absent-mindedly the woman twirled a lollipop between her fingers before making her way over to them akin to a model on a catwalk. Her hips swayed awfully lot to each side with each step, and even Steve found it hard to focus his mind before she came to a stop next to Fury's chair.

Surprisingly enough it was Natasha who found her voice first, her first question being: "Why is she carrying guns on her feet?"

The woman glanced amused down. Truth to the Widow's words there were pink and gold guns strapped to her heels. A second pair dangled from her delicate belt. "Because I can, honey" she said then with a distinctive British Accent.

Steve opened and closed his mouth several times. Tony then came back to his old self: "A nice catch, oh Cyclops" he said, winking at the lady, "Where did you find her? Victoria's Secret magazine?"

Nick, however, just glared at the billionaire. "I can assure you, Stark, Bayonetta is everything but a brainless slut."

"Ouch, that hurt" 'Bayonetta' said mockingly. "Care to introduce us, Rodin?" Then she snapped her fingers and added: "Right. You call yourself Nick Fury now, right?"

"Okay, joke aside" Tony said then again, more serious, "Where do you know her from?"

"I worked undercover for a while" Fury eventually said, "I was her weapon dealer. Still am, actually."

"Whatever happened to your eye?" Bayonetta asked then.

"Remember the time you got Shuraba updated? Bastard got lucky."

"Ouch."

"Whatever" Fury said and straightened up again. "Bayonetta, meet the Avengers. Avengers, this is Cereza, better known as Bayonetta. You will find she is very resourceful and an extremely powerful force to be reckoned with."

Bayonetta turned her cheeky smile to the Avengers. And Steve wondered once more into what they got themselves.

He found no answer. Even after their first battle together. Bayonetta could not only actually shoot with the guns on her feet, but she also employed a vast amount of less-than innocent moves and tactics. All while taunting their unfortunate enemy with extremely naughty innuendoes.

And she was able to summon demons.

From hell.

Their fight ended when their foe used some sort of magnetic powers to hurl a fully-loaded cargo train after them, and Bayonetta _headbutted_ the whole thing right back without even flinching.

SHIELD needed a few hours to get the unfortunate villain out from under the train, while Bayonetta strutted away.

Steve sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Again.

How the fuck did they always end up in such situations?

He began to wonder whether anyone would be pissed if he killed God akin to Kratos.


End file.
